Fake Wrestling News of the Week, Aug. 19 - 23 - Wrestle Newz twitter google

Fake Wrestling News of the Week, Aug. 19 – 23

There’s wrestling news, and then there’s Kayfabe News.

Kayfabe News is the internet’s only satirical wrestling “news” site that delivers hilarious daily doses of “unreal news about an unreal sport.”

Mick Foley has called Kayfabe News “Really funny, like The Onion for wrestling fans,” and Jim Ross has lauded it as “funny stuff!”

If you haven’t yet discovered Kayfabe News, a few headlines should give you an idea:

Every Friday, we share a couple of our favorite Kayfabe News stories from the past week. They’re still real to us, damnit.


Shawn Michaels Finds Smile, Kills It With Crossbow

shawn michaels smile

Shawn Michaels has successfully found, and killed, his smile.

Retired professional wrestler and avid outdoorsman Shawn Michaels finally found his lost smile yesterday, then promptly killed it with a crossbow.

Michaels, who lost his smile in 1997, has been searching in vain for the elusive facial feature ever since.

Having retired from professional wrestling several years ago, Michaels has armed himself with a variety of deadly firearms and devoted himself to smile-hunting.

His quest to stalk and kill the missing smile has been the focus of his reality TV show, MacMillan River Adventures.

Yesterday, while on a hunting expedition in rural Oklahoma, the camouflage-clad and wooly-bearded Michaels spotted his smile rummaging through some underbrush.

Read the rest at Kayfabe News


Wrestling Action Figures Hidden Just in Case Date Goes Well

ljn dolls

Troy Cooper is proud of his wrestling figures, but not proud enough to let them ruin his chance at sex.

On the off-chance that his first date with an attractive classmate goes well, avid WWE fan Troy Cooper hastily hid all his wrestling action figures in a cardboard box in his closet today.

Cooper has a near-complete set of LJN action figures — the heavy rubber dolls that were released during the World Wrestling Federation’s 1980s heyday — of which he is fiercely proud.

But since Cooper is also desperately lonely and in need of physical contact with a human female, he haphazardly tossed the entire collection (which only needs Outback Jack and B. Brian Blair in order to be complete) into a box misleadingly labeled “philosophy books.”

Cooper is taking classmate Tessa McKeon to a fancy restaurant for dinner and then to see some insipid romantic comedy at the local megaplex, in hopes of putting her in the mood for lovemaking.

That mood, he correctly assumes, would instantly vanish if McKeon were to catch a glimpse of the wrestling figures, alphabetized by last name, on his bookshelf.

Read the rest at Kayfabe News.

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  • Mrs. Ambrose

    Why do people read this crap? It is basically like The National Enquirer

    • Matt

      You DO realize that it’s satire and NOT to be taken seriously, right? Reading these first two comments, we’re off to a rip roaring start. >_> I guess they were right when they said that the term “smart” mark is an oxymoron.

      • Mrs. Ambrose

        Im not dumb so whatever

        • dafo1126

          I imagine you to have no teeth for some reason

          • Mrs. Ambrose

            i have teeth do u? moving on

        • Darsow44

          To be fair, it WAS a dumb comment.

          • Mrs. Ambrose

            Well to you it was not to me get over it

      • Mrs. Ambrose

        LOL! You probley look dumb

        • http://WWW.WrestleNewZ.com/ Bork Lazer Living Legend


          Who looks dumb now?

          • Mrs. Ambrose

            You stupid just crawl under a rock

          • Darsow44

            You’re digging a deeper hole for yourself. You “probley” should have quit while you were ahead (or at least less-behind).

          • Mrs. Ambrose

            You and no one else is going to bully me i am going to say what i want

          • Mrs. Ambrose

            Ok i admit im not the best speller not ashmed to say it i type fast and can’t get my words right just leave me alone

  • Chelsii?

    Please stop these, they’re completely unfunny.

    • Darsow44

      If Chelsii doesn’t like something, then keep it up! She has proven again and again that she has no sense of humor, no taste, nothing of value to say…..

      • Chelsii?

        Who pissed in your cereal today then?

        • Darsow44

          Case in point.

          • Chelsii?

            You’re starting sh*t for no reason, so hush up.

          • Perry Saturn’s Wandering Eye


  • John Neal

    I think they are very funny! I mean are we the IWC so serious about Wrestling that we cant laugh at someone making some good fun of it

  • captainbuck

    I’m a lifelong wrestling aficionado and I hate myself for not putting it together first. I have been trying off and on for years to get a pt job contributing to The Onion. Hell, I could have been doing this for years. I HAVE been doing this for years. I usually chat on the phone with an equally adept friend of mine. The two of us had been doing what Kayfabe does for the last 10 years off and on, but they do it on Steroids! Bravo to them.

  • Third String Point Guard

    IWC smarks: Why so serious?

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