Unreal Wrestling News of the Week: Aug. 26 - 30 - Wrestle Newz twitter google

Unreal Wrestling News of the Week: Aug. 26 – 30

WWE
There has been plenty of real wrestling news this week: John Cena’s surgically repaired arm will keep him sidelined for months, Ted DiBiase Jr. has said farewell to WWE, and on Total Divas — well, the less said about that, the better.

So there has been plenty of fodder for Kayfabe News, the internet’s only source for hilarious “unreal news about an unreal sport.”

Kayfabe News provides daily doses of wrestling satire that serve as a reminder that sometimes we all might take wrestling a tad too seriously. As an antidote, Kayfabe News provides articles with headlines like:

Every Friday, we showcase a couple of our favorite Kayfabe News stories from the past week. These ones had us laughing:

Ben Affleck to Portray The Undertaker at WrestleMania 30

Affleck undertakerAccording to the Hollywood rumor mill, actor/screenwriter Ben Affleck has been cast to star as The Undertaker in World Wrestling Entertainment’s flagship pay-per-view, WrestleMania, next spring.

Although Affleck has not yet spoken publicly about the rumors, the actor was spotted today at WWE headquarters in Stamford, CT, being fitted for a long black trenchcoat and wide-brimmed hat.

Affleck’s agent would “neither confirm nor deny” reports that Affleck has been spending a lot of time in darkened cemeteries to prepare for the iconic role.

Many die-hard fans are aghast by the news that Affleck may soon portray The Deadman — a role that has been personified for the past two decades by Mark Calaway.

“Ben Affleck will be the worst Undertaker ever,” tweeted one fan who calls himself @Deadman4Lyfe. “Even worse than the fake Undertaker that ‘Taker wrestled at SummerSlam 1994.”

Read the rest at Kayfabe News.

 

Miley Cyrus Seeks Career Advice from Chyna

2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Pre-ShowMiley Cyrus, the former Disney teen star who is trying re-invent herself in an “edgier” style, has reportedly sought career advice from former pro wrestler and repugnant porn star Chyna.

Cyrus, who rose to fame portraying the squeaky-clean Hannah Montana, put Chyna’s advice to use last night at the MTV Video Music Awards, lasciviously gyrating and “twerking” in her underwear like a two-bit whore.

Chyna was happy to provide encouragement and wisdom, drawing on her years of experience as a hyper-masculine WWE Diva, a bleary-eyed reality TV burnout, and a freakishly unsexy porn star.

According to Cyrus, Chyna taught her how to “totally gross people out with weird facial expressions, super-slutty behavior and an utter lack of talent.”

Read the rest at Kayfabe News. 

 

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  • Guest

    Miley Cyrus or How i call her “Miley Virus” is ugly as hell

  • Darsow44

    Even though the Ben Affleck story is a joke, it raises a good question: who WOULD portray the Undertaker if a movie was ever made about his life and career? Please, nobody say Vin Diesel….

    • zip

      Mark Calaway.

    • [B]ANExx

      My votes would go down to Richard Armitage or Chris Hemsworth (if he dyed his hair..) Although not sure either of them would be tall enough unless the rest of the cast were portrayed by midgets. Whilst neither is short, we have to remember that Undertaker is around 7ft…

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