Unreal Wrestling News of the Week: Sept. 1 - 6, 2013 - Wrestle Newz twitter google

Unreal Wrestling News of the Week: Sept. 1 – 6, 2013

There’s wrestling news, and then there’s Kayfabe News.

Kayfabe News is the internet’s only satirical wrestling “news” site that delivers hilarious daily doses of “unreal news about an unreal sport.”

Mick Foley has called Kayfabe News “Really funny, like The Onion for wrestling fans.” Earlier this week, Foley’s buddy (and frequent butt of his jokes) Al Snow called Kayfabe News “absolutely tremendous.”

A few headlines will give you the gist of the Kayfabe News style of journalism:

Straight-Edge CM Punk Confesses Addiction to His Own Voice

Wrestling Referee Fails to Catch His Wife Cheating

Pretentious Fan Only Refers to Wrestlers by Their Indy Names

Every Friday, we here at WrestleNewz showcase a couple of our favorite Kayfabe News stories from the past week. These two had us laughing.

McMahon buys TNA on a drunken whim

mcmahon tnaSports entertainment mogul Vince McMahon, after enjoying some adult beverages in his Connecticut mansion last night, impulsively decided to purchase Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling, “just for kicks.”

McMahon carried out the entire transaction through PayPal, transferring an undisclosed sum of money (presumed to be at least $5,000) to Panda Energy International, the parent company of TNA.

The purchase included TNA’s old six-sided ring, which McMahon intends to convert into a backyard hot tub.

While he was still “feeling spendy,” McMahon also bought the first four seasons of Breaking Bad on Blu-Ray and a new set of gaudy blazers before passing out on the couch.

McMahon says he does not intend to fire any TNA wrestlers yet, because “they might come in handy at WrestleMania as The Undertaker’s druids.”

 Read the rest at Kayfabe News

 

Wrestling fans brace themselves for Mae Young twerking

mae young twerkFans of professional wrestling worldwide are mentally preparing themselves to witness, any day now, the horrific sight of elderly female wrestler Mae Young twerking.

It is a foregone conclusion that WWE Chairman Vince McMahon will soon insist that 90-year-old Young twerk on live television or pay-per-view.

McMahon has reportedly been obsessed with the idea for the past week, having keenly watched footage of former teen star Miley Cyrus twerking at the MTV Video Music Awards.

Twerking, a highly sexualized dance move in which the performer repeatedly thrusts her buttocks in a vertical motion, has become a buzzword since Cyrus’ notorious performance, and McMahon is intent on milking the pop-culture trend.

Mae Young, who has proven her willingness to do anything for a paycheque (including giving birth to a prosthetic hand) is reportedly enthusiastic about the prospect of twerking on TV, even though most fans are terrified by the very notion.

Read the rest at Kayfabe News.

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  • Darsow44

    I wonder how many TNA wrestlers have actually been the Undertaker’s druids at one point of another….

    • Abudadein

      I’m not sure how many TNA wrestlers have been the Undertaker’s druids, but I once read that Big Daddy V, Kurrgan, The Great Khali, Hornswaggle, and that guy who was The Yeti in WCW were all his druids at one point.

      • Darsow44

        The Yeti? Or the Ye-TAYYYY?

  • JH

    That Mae Young twerking article is probably so close to actually happening. I’ll be shocked if she doesn’t do it during her next performance.

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