There was plenty of unreal news, too, provided by “The Onion for wrestling fans” (as Mick Foley has described it), Kayfabe News.
The satirical news site lampoons the wrestling business with not-quite-true journalism like:
Here are a couple articles that had us laughing this week:
Orton Realizes He Has Become a Legend, Kills Self
In a handwritten note left behind for loved ones, Orton stoically wrote that his suicide was “the right thing to do, given the circumstances, because it’s what’s good for business.”
Orton earned his reputation as the Legend Killer around 2004 after violently attacking and sidelining established stars of professional wrestling such as Ric Flair, Shawn Michaels and Mick Foley.
Having recently become WWE Champion for the seventh time in his career, Orton had transitioned from being merely a WWE superstar to being a bona fide legend.
In order to maintain the integrity of his “Legend Killer” persona, Orton descended (very slowly) into the basement of his St. Louis home and, listening to the voices in his head, ended his life.
In his suicide note, Orton cryptically indicated that he would “go to the papers” if he had to, though no one is sure what he meant.
The International Olympic Committee announced today that, although traditional Greco-Roman wrestling has been nixed as an Olympic sport, professional wrestling will be featured at the 2020 Summer Games.
The committee stood by its earlier decision to remove amateur wrestling from the Olympics, but has replaced it with the far more interesting and exciting professional kind.
The 2020 Olympic games will feature pro wrestlers “competing” on behalf of their home countries in a single elimination tournament, culminating in a gold medal Hell in a Cell match.
Early reports indicate that Antonio Cesaro will represent Switzerland, Kofi Kingston will represent both Ghana and Jamaica, and the Ultimate Warrior will come out of retirement to wrestle on behalf of his native Parts Unknown.