Knee-Jerk Reaction (RAW 01/30/12)

Lowered Expectations…

Yes, that’s a MADtv reference. If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m a television junkie. But that reference fits because after the Royal Rumble PPV last night where I had extremely high expectations, only to be disappointed, I’m going into tonight’s RAW with a level head. Well, not completely level. If the secret of Chris Jericho’s return isn’t revealed tonight, I’m gonna pissed. It’s been too long. It should have been revealed last night.

WHAT I LIKED:
Champion vs Champion: Really? A match featuring the World Heavyweight Champion vs the WWE Champion can’t be the main event of the night? It has to take a backseat to not only Cena & Kane, but to Triple H & Laurinaitis as well? Way to value your champions, WWE. Great, great, great, great, great match ruined by a dirty finish. But you know, I really didn’t mind it too much. Around the tenth near-fall, I was starting to wonder who would possibly win this match. There was no way to really end it cleanly unless Daniel Bryan won. I don’t think a clean loss would have made Punk any weaker, but the same can’t be said of Daniel Bryan, who has barely even had a clean win since he’s become champion. As for Jericho, at least he did something. I still need more.

Mike Tyson: WWE’s celebrity wing of the Hall of Fame has always been a bit of a mixed card. On one hand, you have celebrities who really made a mark in pro-wrestling like Andy Kaufman. And then you have celebrities who just made one or two sporadic appearances, doing nothing significant or memorable like Drew Carey. Unfortunately, WWE seems to favor the latter of those two. Mike Tyson, thankfully, falls into the former category. His stint with/against Steve Austin was a huge turning point in Stone Cold’s career. Hell, it even affected HBK’s career, albeit not as positively as Austin’s. I’m completely in favor of this inductee.

Cena/Kane: Nice segment. I like the announcers pointing out something that I pointed out last night, a smile on Cena’s face as he hurt Kane. Embracing the hate much, are we? I’m not a big fan of Kane running away, but I doubt he’ll be running for too much longer. Well, I hope he won’t be running for long. It’s gonna be a sucky rematch if Cena just dominates Kane from here on out. But tonight was the logical response to Kane’s over-powering performance last night. Next week, it should be a more even playing field.

HHH/Laurinaitis/Undertaker: Hypocrisy, thy name is Hunter Heart Helmsley. HHH accused John Laurinaitis of using his position as GM to make himself a star and he inserted himself into matches for his own personal gain. Hmm. That sounds familiar. Does CM Punk vs Triple H @ Summerslam ring a bell? Speaking of bells (I swear, I did not plan ahead for that segue), Undertaker is back. Notice the lack of exclamation points at the end of that sentence. ‘Interjections show excitement or emotion. They’re generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point, or by a comma when the feeling’s not as strong.’ (Can anyone guess that reference?) How many times can WWE expect us to get excited for an Undertaker return? This has to be the 76th time he’s returned. I’m done marking out. I’m also done with Triple H vs Undertaker @ Wrestlemania. Two times was enough. Three is just overkill. Undertaker will get to 20-0. It’s all but written.

WHAT I HATED:
Nervous Johnny: I don’t know if John Laurinaitis was actually nervous or not but he made a lot of mistakes in his opening promo. He choked out some names, missed some words and a couple other Adamle-esque mistakes. If he was playing the part of the nervous man who may lose his job, then he did it well. If not, well, he’s taken a few steps back from how far he’s come. At least he knew how to announce the Daniel Bryan vs CM Punk match legibly. I’m pumped for that.

Elimination Chamber: As fun a match as the Elimination Chamber is, I think it’s in the wrong place. I think the Champions that leave Royal Rumble should be grandfathered into Wrestlemania. Elimination Chamber should be moved to a different point on the PPV schedule. It’s too daunting, too easy and – for the WWE brass – too tempting for a reigning champion to lose their title. I already know that at least one of the champions Sheamus spoke to tonight will not be champion when Wrestlemania rolls around. And it’ll be that title that Sheamus competes for. Most likely, it’ll be the World Heavyweight Championship. I’m all but certain Randy Orton will win the World Title @ Elimination Chamber and Sheamus will face him for the title. Daniel Bryan will be in the match too, due to his rematch clause and I’m expecting Christian to weasel his way in somehow.

Orton vs Ziggler: This match was always going to be good. I knew it as soon as it was announced. And it did not disappoint. However, certain other things around this match disappointed very much. Like the treatment of Dolph Ziggler, who just a week ago was the #1 contender for the WWE Championship. What is he now? SUPERFACE food. Orton just beat the guy cleanly. And why wouldn’t he? After the way CM Punk just abused Dolph in the WWE Championship match last night and after Ziggler took a finisher from a diva – a HUGE diva, but a diva nonetheless – in the Royal Rumble, how can anyone take him seriously ever again? This is now twice that Ziggler performed admirably while facing a World Champion, only to be forgotten about directly afterwards. And to think, the first time it happened was right after his World Title match at the Royal Rumble PPV last year. I’m thinking the Royal Rumble is not Ziggler’s lucky PPV.

Funkasaurus vs T-Reks: That was actually a pretty good analogy that King said. I just hope Vince does get any ideas and starts making Tyler Reks dance too. I still haven’t warmed up to this new Brodus Clay character, but I am warming up to the dancing divas. I guess I can give WWE some credit because they are systematically making Clay’s opponents more and more formidable… but they’re still a bunch of squash matches.

Kofi Kingston vs The Miz: Really? Look, I’m glad that Kofi is getting a bit of a resurgence after being left holding his dick in his hand after Evan Bourne screwed him. But doing it at the expense of The Miz, who was also left holding his dick in his hand after R-Truth’s suspension, is pushing it. It’s not like Kofi Kingston is really a threat to win the Elimination Chamber match. Here’s an idea, why don’t you push the guys who actually have a chance of winning – especially since the PPV itself is only three weeks away.

Divas Championship: What exactly was it that made Eve the #1 contender for the Divas Title? Losing in the tag team match last night? Horribly bad acting? Was Kelly too busy with her court-appointed driving classes? Doesn’t matter anyway because this was a quick match. It was all a set-up to a Kane/Cena showdown. Way to value a Championship, WWE. Just dangle a title match as a tertiary segue to a more important rivalry.

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: “I’m a role model. I’m a vegan!” – Daniel Bryan
For no real reason except that it made me laugh. I liked how they later made a comparison to Bryan’s vegan(ism?) and Punk’s straight-edge(ness?). They’re not exactly the same, but I give Bryan and Punk credit for doing such things. Neither is very easy to accomplish in a world that markets against both beliefs. I’m not a vegan at all. I’m a carnivore. I have given up most red meat, but that’s due more to a medical issue than respect for animals. I’m sort of straight-edge, except that I do enjoy a beer ever so often. Using illegal drugs and smoking cigarettes, however, aren’t even tempting to me.

Stars Tagged In This Post:
Brodus Clay, Chris Jericho, Christian, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, Edge, Elimination Chamber, Evan Bourne, Hall Of Fame, Helms, John Laurinaitis, Kane, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Randy Orton, RAW, Royal Rumble, Sheamus, Steve Austin, SummerSlam, The Miz, Triple H, Turning Point, Tyler Reks, Undertaker, WrestleMania, WWE