Amid all the half-truths, gossip and full-fledged lies in the wrestling business, it can be hard to distinguish truth from fiction.
Thankfully there’s Kayfabe News, which at least is honest about delivering “unreal” satirical news about wrestling. Described by Mick Foley as “The Onion for wrestling fans,” Kayfabe News skewers the quirky world of wrestling with tongue-in-cheek headlines like:
- Long-Awaited Flair-versus-Broomstick Match Fails to Live Up to Hype
- Punk and Heyman Have Amazing Make-Up Sex
- Leaked Birth Certificate Reveals Zeb Colter Actually Dutch
With its deadpan journalistic voice and irreverent take on the strangeness of pro wrestling, Kayfabe News consistently keeps us laughing. Here are a couple of our favorite stories from the past week.
Dixie Carter rumored as buyer of Smashing Pumpkins
Carter simply replied “no comment” when asked at a recent TNA press conference whether she is the rumored prospective buyer of the band, which rose to prominence in the 1990s “grunge” era with hits including “Today” and “Tonight, Tonight.”
Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan has also refused to comment on the rumors, but denies rampant allegations that the band has fallen on hard financial times.
Popularity of The Smashing Pumpkins has been in steady decline since their mid-1990s heyday, leading many to speculate that the group may be secretly up for sale.
Carter has dabbled in promoting independent bands — including a little-known Chicago band called Resistance — but has stated she is interested in full-time rock and roll promotion.
Balding middle-aged redneck still calls himself “Heartbreak Kid”
The middle-aged retiree, who spends most of his time killing animals with high-powered weaponry, has a salt-and-pepper beard and will soon be eligible for the seniors’ discount at many chain restaurants.
Yet despite his advancing age and leathery skin, Michaels still clings to a nickname that aptly described him when he was a much younger, more athletic, and sexually virile man.
Although “The Heartbreak Kid” perfectly encapsulated Michaels after his acrimonious split with former tag team partner Marty Jannetty, it no longer applies to a man who is loath to be seen without a hat covering his ever-widening bald spot.
It is generally accepted that Michaels is not a “sexy boy” nor a “boy toy.”